Welcome to take the attachment style test! This test helps you assess your emotional relationships and their different aspects, such as security, independence, communication, and emotional regulation. The test, created by psychotherapist Katri Kanninen, can provide valuable insights into your relationships and their dynamics.
Instructions for completing the test
- Prepare for the test:
- Get a pen and paper ready to record your scores.
- Reserve a quiet moment for about 15–20 minutes for the test.
- Draw a table like this on a piece of paper, where you can write down the scores for each question. Record the scores for each question on different relationships and calculate the total results for each subcategory.
| Subcategory | Spouse / Partner | Best friend | Parents | Total scores by subcategory |
| Attachment and security | ||||
| Independence | ||||
| Communication | ||||
| Emotional regulation | ||||
| Total scores by relationship |
How to answer the test questions:
In the test, you will answer 20 questions across four different subcategories: attachment and security, independence, communication, and emotional regulation.
- Reflect on each question in relation to three different relationships: spouse/partner, best friend, and parents.
- Answer on a scale:
- 1 = Strongly disagree
- 2 = Somewhat disagree
- 3 = Neither agree nor disagree
- 4 = Somewhat agree
- 5 = Strongly agree
- Record your answers in the table you drew. Write down the score for each question. Finally, add up the scores for the different subcategories and relationships.
Attachment style test questions:
Part 1: Attachment and Security
- I feel safe, loved, and accepted in this relationship.
- I can trust that this person is present and will support me when needed.
- I feel that I can be myself in this relationship without fear of rejection.
- When I am anxious or stressed, this person helps me calm down.
- I can share my worries and fears with this person without fear of judgment.
Part 2: Independence
- I am able to act independently and make my own decisions in this relationship.
- I am not dependent on this person for approval or validation.
- I can be apart from this person without feeling anxious or abandoned.
- I respect this person’s independence and give them space.
- The balance between independence and closeness feels healthy in this relationship.
Part 3: Communication
- Communication with this person is open and honest.
- I feel that I am listened to and understood in this relationship.
- I feel that this relationship is balanced and mutual.
- I am able to express my needs and wishes clearly to this person.
- I can resolve disagreements constructively with this person.
Part 4: Emotional Regulation
- I am usually able to manage my own feelings well in this relationship.
- When I have difficult emotions, I am able to receive support and comfort from this person.
- This person helps me to understand and process my feelings.
- I am not afraid that my feelings will overwhelm or push this person away.
- I feel that there is space for both positive and negative feelings in this relationship.
This test is only a starting point for self-reflection. If you are concerned about your attachment relationships or emotional skills, you can benefit from discussing them with a therapist or other professional.
Interpreting the results
Interpret your answers by relationship
The maximum score per relationship is 20 points. The higher the score, the stronger that particular aspect is in the assessed relationship.
- High scores (20): The relationship is strong and balanced across all assessed areas.
- Medium scores (13–19): The relationship has strengths but also potential areas for improvement.
- Low scores (4–12): The relationship may need attention and development in one or more areas.
- Comparing different relationships: Notice how the scores differ across relationships. For example, high scores with a friend but low scores with your parents may indicate that you need more support in your family relationships.
For example, the table might look like this:
In this example, the respondent has a high score for their relationship with their best friend (20). However, their relationship with their parents has only received a score of 5.
| Subcategory | Spouse / Partner | Best friend | Parents | Total scores by subcategory |
| Attachment and security | 5 | 5 | 3 | |
| Independence | 5 | 5 | 1 | |
| Communication | 5 | 5 | 1 | |
| Emotional regulation | 2 | 5 | 1 | |
| Total scores by relationship | 17 | 20 | 5 |
Interpreting results by attachment subcategory
Examine the scores you received in the different attachment subcategories. Are there differences between them?
- Low score in attachment and security: You may need more experiences of safety and closeness in your relationships.
- Low score in independence: You may benefit from strengthening your independence and personal boundaries in your relationships.
- Low score in communication: You may benefit from developing skills for open and honest communication.
- Low score in emotional regulation: You may benefit from improving your ability to recognize and express your emotions.
| Subcategory | Spouse / Partner | Best friend | Parents | Total scores by subcategory |
| Attachment and security | 5 | 5 | 3 | 13 |
| Independence | 5 | 5 | 1 | 11 |
| Communication | 5 | 5 | 1 | 11 |
| Emotional regulation | 2 | 5 | 1 | 8 |
| Total scores by relationship |
How to use the results?
Talk with significant people: If you notice big differences across relationships, you can discuss this confidentially with the relevant individuals.
Identify strengths: Compare the scores across different subcategories and relationships. Do you notice differences between relationships or areas? Reflect on which areas are strong and how you can leverage them in other relationships.
Identify areas for development: Consider what you could do to strengthen lower-scoring areas. For example, you could practice open communication or seek support to enhance your independence.
This test is only a starting point for self-reflection. If you are concerned about your attachment relationships or emotional skills, it may be helpful to discuss them with a therapist or other professional.
Do you feel you need professional support for your anxiety?
Themes related to attachment relationships are common
If you are experiencing challenges in your attachment relationships, you don’t need to know in advance exactly where these feelings come from or what kind of help you need. Often, a vague sense of insecurity, fear of closeness, or recurring conflicts can be a sign that attachment-related issues need attention.
An initial consultation with a therapist is an easy way to start a conversation. Together, you can explore where your feelings about attachment come from and how you can deal with them. A professional can help you understand your own behavior patterns and find ways to develop them. Attachment issues can be addressed in psychotherapy or couples therapy, for example.
Attachment issues are addressed in therapy from many different perspectives:
- Relationships: Challenges in romantic and friendship relationships, balancing closeness and independence.
- Work life: Interpersonal skills, workplace dynamics, and leadership challenges.
- Life transitions: Life changes such as parenthood, divorce, or adjusting to a new environment.
- Parenting: How your own attachment experiences affect your parenting and growing as a parent.
At Heltti, you can trust that you will receive high-quality support for various life situations. We have carefully selected highly trained therapists with strong qualifications and suitability. We work daily with anxiety in both adults and adolescents.
About the author of this article
I am Katri Kanninen, Head of Development for Heltti’s Therapy and Mental Well-being Services, Doctor of Psychology, psychotherapist, and non-fiction author. Additionally, I train and supervise psychotherapists.