In this article, we’ll look at how your role, your past relational experiences and the way you think can affect your relationships in the workplace. By reflecting on these factors, you can learn to understand yourself better and develop your interpersonal skills. Finally, we will give you concrete tips for building better workplace relationships.
Why are workplace relationships so important?
We spend a large part of our everyday lives at work and with our work team – remotely or live. The atmosphere and interactions at work are reflected outside the workplace. Challenges in workplace relationships, conflicts, loneliness or interaction challenges can have a negative impact on work motivation, performance and general well-being outside of work. Good workplace relationships, based on trust, respect and clear communication, are at their best supportive, energising, motivating and inspiring.
Your role in relationships at work
Everyone has a role to play at work. This role is determined not only by your job duties and responsibilities, but also by your personality, your ways of working and your past experiences. For example, if you are used to being the person in charge, you may feel pressure to always be available, which can affect your interactions with others.
Why is it worth understanding your role?
- Your role affects how you are perceived and treated by others.
- Your role can determine your expectations and behaviour in different situations, for example in conflict situations.
- Understanding your role helps you to look at your relationships more objectively.
Exercise
My role in the workplace
- Take a moment to think about what your typical role is in your team. For example, are you a team player, a decision maker or an observer? Is your role always the same in different teams or have you played different roles in different workplaces?
- Write down how this role affects your relationships in the workplace. What expectations do you have of yourself and others?
- Think about what you want to keep in your role and what you might want to change.
Everyone has a role to play in the team. You may recognise in your own work community those who are responsible, those who lift the mood, those who make things fun and those who help. Sometimes it’s good to reflect to identify what your role is in the work community.
Reflect: How do your past experiences affect your workplace relationships?
Everyone brings their own history and experiences to the workplace that shape the way we see ourselves and others. The influence of past experiences may be unconscious, but recognising them can help you to act more consciously and constructively.
Recognise recurring patterns
Do you notice that certain situations in the workplace evoke strong emotions or that you repeatedly react in the same way? For example, if you felt belittled in a previous job, you may quickly become defensive in your current job, even to neutral feedback.
Evaluate your own assumptions
Are your expectations of your colleagues realistic? For example, you may assume that everyone else thinks the same way as you, which can lead to unnecessary disappointment or conflict.
Differences between your own experiences and interpretations
It is important to separate the facts from your own interpretations. For example, if a colleague forgets to say hello to you in the morning, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t appreciate you – they may be busy or have some other reason.
Exercise
Reflect on your own experiences by writing
- Choose one situation from work that stirred up strong feelings in you. In the first column, write down what happened, what you thought and felt, and how you reacted, as if from behind a camera lens, in the present tense.
- Think about what your reactions (both thoughts, feelings and actions) could be due to. Are they possibly related to your past experiences at work or in civilian life?
- In the next column, write down positive alternatives to both your thoughts (interpretations) and your feelings.
- Think about and write down how you might react differently in a similar situation in the future.
Have you ever stopped to think about what your own thoughts and assumptions about your colleagues are based on? After all, our own thinking and past experiences influence how you interpret the way others act.
Thoughts and assumptions about others in the workplace
The way we think about others strongly influences the way we interact with them. For example, if you think a colleague is always critical, you may interpret their feedback more negatively than they mean it.
Ask yourself:
- How can I see my colleague’s strengths instead of the weaknesses I easily notice?
- What assumptions do I have about my colleagues? Are they based on facts or my own interpretations?
Exercise
Do I have facts or opinions about them, or are my opinions based on facts and opinions or my perceptions of others?
- Make a list of three colleagues and write down three things you appreciate about each of them.
- If you find yourself focusing on the negative aspects, think about why this might be. Are these things real or coloured by your own experiences?
Improve workplace relationships – concrete tips
- Practise active listening: listen to what your colleagues have to say without forming an opinion or planning your own response.
- Put yourself in someone else’s shoes and think about how the situation might look from their point of view.
- Set boundaries: take care of your own boundaries and respect the boundaries of others. This builds trust and prevents strain.
- Give positive feedback: thank your colleagues for a job well done and highlight their strengths.
- Strive for open communication: communicate clearly and directly, but respectfully.
Meet the author of this article
I am Katri Kanninen, PhD in psychology, experienced psychotherapist, trainer psychotherapist (KAT) and non-fiction writer.